I wrote to a friend some day, that I didn’t think ‘struggling writer’ were two different words. Every writer is naturally struggling. I shut the doors to any other possibility like a conservative would, to a differing opinion. My intent never was to romanticize the notion of writing at all.
I proved myself wrong, more or less. And struggling seems like an okay way to be a writer.
In the past 2 months I have been writing relatively a lot more. Especially while living in the space that I least expected to be able to sit and write in. It is like saying, If you need to know the value your own home, you have to stay away from it. I thought writing required distancing; from the things and places that my stories would revolve around. The space one writes in, the physical space defines it to a good extent.
Turns out, it is not a bad thing after all. And that discovery gives respite.
A lot of my writing poses questions. I cannot think of a better way of opening up thoughts. Questions allow. Answers bargain sometimes. I like questions because they grant permission, in a way that doesn’t feel authoritarian.
Over these 2 months, I asked questions but also bargained with answers, in a proportion that I could deem as satisfactory. Because the function of the question is also in seeking this clarity.
“If truth is not to be found on the shelves of the British museum, where, I asked myself, picking up a notebook and a pencil, is truth?” – A Room of One’s Own, Virginia Woolf.
This quote makes more sense in the paragraph and text it safely resides in. But when I think of it in isolation sometimes, I think that truth lies in the questions we ask. And that much resolution will suffice for the time being.
“When in doubt, just sit down even if it is the footpath.” This among, many other amusing things that my very inquisitive friend A says, makes a lot of sense. More sense than ‘the truth’ too at times.
I’ll just sit down wherever it is silent, in whatever space I can comfortably afford to own, temporarily at the very least. And try and write to make it all better.